JON GUTIERREZ

Marvel Superheroes: What The!? Strange Halloween Tales To Astonish!

2011-11-27T15:32:00.000-08:00

Fuse's This Week In History: Michael Jackson Video to Drake

2011-11-20T20:40:00.000-08:00

Barnes & Noble Bathrooms

2011-11-01T21:42:00.000-07:00

8 Facts About Smurfs That Are Actually Kind Of Interesting (Topless Robot)

2011-07-26T14:48:00.000-07:00

If you lived through the 1980s, chances are you owned, listened to or watched the tiny blue gnomes named The Smurfs. They're actually much older than that, as Belgian cartoonist Peyo created them way back in 1958. And since then they've been entertaining (and boring the minds out of) millions of people around the world. Which brings up the question: How can the Smurfs be both universally popular and so boring that watching their "adventures" makes you want to take a smurfing gun and smurf yourself? It might be because the having a giant village of identical creatures doesn't really lend themselves to interesting, nuanced plots. Or it might be that their cartoons and comics relied on paper-thin storylines that were shallow even for '80s Saturday morning cartoons, which is really saying something.

Either way, The Smurfs were a blight on the cultural landscape, which will somehow be made even worse by the upcoming CGI movie travesty. After all, Smurfette was already annoying, but her voiced by Katy Perry should have you smurfing your eyes and ears out by the second smurfing act. But still, even the most boring, sappy properties usually have at least one or two interesting things hidden within their layers of horribleness. Here are the few we were able to dredge up from 52 years of Smurfs history. Read 'em and smurf!

Another Comic Adaptation (UCBcomedy.com)

2011-07-12T14:47:00.000-07:00

Another Comic Adaptation	UCBcomedy.com

Watch more comedy videos from the twisted minds of the UCB Theatre at UCBcomedy.com

11 Lost Superhero Movies We (Sometimes) Wish We Could've Seen (BLASTR)

2011-07-09T14:39:00.000-07:00

For each comic book film that's hit the cineplex over the last several years, there are a gazillion more that never managed to escape development hell.

With Alphas set to premiere on Syfy July 11 at 10/9C, we've been thinking about superheroes all week, so here's a list of some superhero movie projects we wish we'd have been able to see in theaters ... even if it was just to see if they were as unwatchable as they sound.

Click here to read more:

10 Awesome Unmade Star Trek Projects We Wish We Could've Seen (Blastr)

2011-06-09T14:37:00.000-07:00

For a franchise that spanned five TV series, 11 movies and Roddenberry-only-knows-how-much erotic fan fiction, there was a lot of Star Trek we still never got to see.

A ton of different movies, spinoff and reboots were proposed but never hit the screen (especially after Star Trek: Enterprise was canceled). Here are the 10 we wish we were watching on DVD right now.

Read more of 10 awesome unmade Star Trek projects we wish we could've seen

Quantum Creep (UCBcomedy.com)

2011-05-16T11:52:00.000-07:00

Quantum Creep	UCBcomedy.com

Watch more comedy videos from the twisted minds of the UCB Theatre at UCBcomedy.com

8 Troma Films That Deserve a Remake More Than the Toxic Avenger (Topless Robot)

2011-05-09T12:55:00.000-07:00

If you're a fan of schlock-film studio Troma, then you've probably heard that there's a big-budget remake of The Toxic Avenger in the works, for some reason. We say "for some reason" because we can't think of any way a remake is going to improve on the original. Is there any more moving way you can portray the torment of geeky Melvin Ferd than dressing him in a tutu and pushing him into a container of toxic waste? And do we need updated special effects to better convey the emotional impact of a guy getting a milkshake stirrer rammed into his throat?

No we do not. The original film is amazing/horrible exactly the way it is... which isn't to say that some of the other movies that Troma's released over the years couldn't make some kick-ass remakes. In fact, giving one of Troma's lesser-known works a big-budget remake with modern special effects seems incredibly perverse... but exactly the sort of thing Troma loves to do. Here are our picks!

Read more of 8 Troma Films That Deserve a Remake More Than the Toxic Avenger

8 Things You Didn't Know About GoBots (and Probably Didn't Care About) (Topless Robot)

2011-04-06T11:13:00.000-07:00

GoBots are the Rodney Dangerfields of '80s toys: they get no respect... and they're completely dead and never coming back. They've never been able to escape the reputation of being low-rent Transformers knockoffs, despite hitting U.S. toy shelves first and being a popular line that outlasted many other '80s toylines.

Nerdy historians have debated exactly why GoBots sucked for years. Some think it was because the Hanna-Barbera Challenge of the GoBots cartoon was apparently written for particularly slow 4-year-olds. Others think it was because the toys provided almost no information about the characters kids were buying, so kids never got as emotionally attached as they did to their Optimus Prime. It might even be that some GoBots were so simple that they transformed by just folding in half. But, whatever the exact reason was for their suckage, GoBots don't have a tenth of the nostalgic appeal of Transformers and we certainly aren't going to see them on the big screen peeing on John Turturro any time soon. But that doesn't mean they weren't sometimes occasionally interesting. Here are the eight instances of them being interesting we could find.

Click here to read more.

March BoyFriend (UCBcomedy.com)

2011-04-05T11:17:00.000-07:00

Here's the latest video from my UCB video writing team The Brig. This one was written by Nate Russell.

March Boyfriend	UCBcomedy.com

Watch more comedy videos from the twisted minds of the UCB Theatre at UCBcomedy.com

The 6 Worst Jobs Wonder Woman Ever Had (Topless Robot)

2011-04-04T11:12:00.000-07:00

If you've been following any of the details that've been leaking about the new David E. Kelley Wonder Woman TV series, you may have noticed that Wonder Woman's secret identity will be a rich CEO, which is a big step up from...whatever the hell it is that Wonder Woman usually does.

Figuring out how Wonder Woman pays the bills has always been a little confusing. Unlike Superman and Batman, she never attended school in "man's world", let along college or even getting an GED. And say what you want about the Amazonian school system, but a childhood spent learning to deflect arrows with bracelets doesn't really prepare you for today's competitive job market. And while she had a few high points (like working as an astronaut for a couple issues), she also been stuck in some less-than stellar jobs over the years. Here are the worst.

Click here to read more.

Somali Pirate Romance (UCB Theater)

2011-03-27T00:57:00.000-07:00

Somali Pirate Romance	UCBcomedy.com

Watch more comedy videos from the twisted minds of the UCB Theatre at UCBcomedy.com

7 Films That Got Stuck In The Uncanny Valley (Topless Robot)

2011-03-16T20:03:00.000-07:00

The concept of "The Uncanny Valley" -- the theory that as artificial humans get closer and closer to looking real, they get creepier and more unsettling -- gets a lot of debate amongst movie and robot fans alike. Some say that it's just an unscientific speculation and that there's nothing to back it up. Others are too busy clawing their eyes out while watching The Polar Express.

Either way, there's no denying that some movie "humans," when rendered in CG or by puppets,robots, or other special effects, often end up being too disturbing to completely enjoy without constantly saying to yourself, "There's something on the screen right now that I don't really want to look at." And unfortunately, one creepy non-human can ruin a perfectly good film, let alone some Christmas drivel about a flying train filled with multiple CGI Tom Hankses. Care to see?

Read more of 7 Films That Got Stuck In The Uncanny Valley.

10 Almost-Cast Star-Trek Actors That Would've Improved the Franchise (Topless Robot)

2011-02-28T10:04:00.000-08:00

For a franchise that had eight "evil universe" episodes and Roddenberry-only-knows-how-many time travel episodes, it's hard to imagine Star Trek turning out any differently than it did. After all, when you think of Spock, you immediately think of the cool calm of Leonard Nimoy and when you think of Kirk, it's hard to imagine anything by the slightly hammy over-acting of William Shatner.

And yet, for every actor that got a Star Trek part, dozens auditioned and got disappointed that they didn't get their time on the cardboard sets of the various Enterprises. Of course many of those wanna-be-Trek-icons would've been worse than the final actors (I think we've all seen the footage of Geneviève Bujold's creepily low-energy version of Janeway.), but some of those actors would've taken the franchise in interesting and probably better directions. Here are the ones we would've loved to have seen.

Read more of 10 Almost-Cast Star-Trek Actors That Would've Improved the Franchise.

8 Movies That Inexplicably Got Cartoon Spin-offs (Topless Robot)

2011-02-21T12:13:00.001-08:00

Cartoon spin-offs make good financial sense -- hell, you can squeeze more merchandising and brand recognition if kids are watching your characters everyday after school than if they just see a movie once. But what sense is there in making a kid's cartoon from a film that kids are never going to see? Would kids be clamoring for a Taxi Driver toon where Travis and Iris travel the world in their magical cab? Or would they adore one where Hannibal Lector, Clarice Starling and a talking lamb solve mysteries? Sure those are ridiculous, but is it any more crazy than expecting kids to want to watch animated stories about a gunned-down cop? And yet, back in the '80s and '90s, they cranked out a bunch of cartoons based on properties that never should've been expanded into kid's shows. Here are the ones that we can't believe ever made it to screens.

Read more of 8 Movies That Inexplicably Got Cartoon Spin-offs

Black History Valentines (UCBcomedy.com)

2011-02-14T09:55:00.000-08:00

Marvel Superheroes: What The?! Superbowl Edition

2011-02-10T08:23:00.000-08:00

Spit Takes: Advanced (UCBcomedy.com)

2011-02-09T18:30:00.000-08:00

Paul's Pawn Shop (UCBcomedy.com)

2011-02-07T22:46:00.001-08:00

Paul's Pawn Shop	UCBcomedy.com

Watch more comedy videos from the twisted minds of the UCB Theatre at UCBcomedy.com

Tech Mom: Episode 3

2011-01-01T22:57:00.000-08:00

Here's the latest video from The Brig. (This one was written by Zach Phillips.)

Tech Mom Episode 3: Hacking Made Easy	UCBcomedy.com

Watch more comedy videos from the twisted minds of the UCB Theatre at UCBcomedy.com

Marvel Superheroes: What The?! Holiday Edition

2010-12-28T08:25:00.000-08:00

Quatro Zany (UCBcomedy.com)

2010-12-12T15:53:00.001-08:00

Here's the latest video from The Brig. (This was the brainchild of Adam Sacks.)

Quatro Zany!	UCBcomedy.com

Watch more comedy videos from the twisted minds of the UCB Theatre at UCBcomedy.com

TSA: Banned Items (UCBcomedy.com)

2010-12-08T15:46:00.000-08:00

Here's the Brig's latest video. We all came up with this one (although the script was by Adam Sacks.)

TSA: Newly Banned Items	UCBcomedy.com

Watch more comedy videos from the twisted minds of the UCB Theatre at UCBcomedy.com

Marvel Superheroes What The?!: Dr. Strange & The Magical Mixup (Marvel.com)

2010-11-30T17:14:00.000-08:00

Here's the latest What The?!, which I got to write for Marvel. (And I got to play Dr. Strange...which is why I can't listen to it.)

Electronic Voting Shredder (UCBcomedy.com)

2010-11-07T12:19:00.000-08:00

This one was the brainchild of Nate Russell.

Electronic Voting Shredder	UCBcomedy.com

Watch more comedy videos from the twisted minds of the UCB Theatre at UCBcomedy.com

Batman Arkham Asylum's Really Challenging Challenge Modes (Dorkly.com)

2010-11-07T12:06:00.000-08:00

You can see the comic on Dorkly here.

Pink Cigarettes (UCBcomedy.com)

2010-10-27T23:49:00.001-07:00

Here's the latest video The Brig did for UCBcomedy.com. This one was the idea of Zach Phillips.

Pink Cigarettes	UCBcomedy.com

Watch more comedy videos from the twisted minds of the UCB Theatre at UCBcomedy.com

Random Sketch Theater Presents:

2010-10-08T12:38:00.000-07:00

Random Sketch Theater Presents:

2010-10-07T12:35:00.000-07:00

Random Sketch Theater Presents:

2010-10-06T12:33:00.000-07:00

Casual Encounters (UCBcomedy.com)

2010-10-01T12:39:00.000-07:00

This one was thought up by Adam Sacks.

The #1 Dating Website	UCBcomedy.com

Watch more comedy videos from the twisted minds of the UCB Theatre at UCBcomedy.com

Surveillance Sandwich (UCBcomedy.com)

2010-09-10T12:30:00.000-07:00

This one was thought up by Zach Phillips. (You can also spot me briefly as the less-important security guard.)

Surveillance Sandwich	UCBcomedy.com

Watch more comedy videos from the twisted minds of the UCB Theatre at UCBcomedy.com

30 Seconds With A Guy That Looks Like Clive Owen (UCBcomedy.com)

2010-09-07T12:26:00.000-07:00

This one's from the mind of Zach Phillips.

30 Seconds With Clive Owen*	UCBcomedy.com

Watch more comedy videos from the twisted minds of the UCB Theatre at UCBcomedy.com

Real Fake Gun (Ucbcomedy.com)

2010-08-12T20:48:00.000-07:00

Here's the latest video from the Brig. (This one was the brainchild of Crystal Delahanty.)

Real Fake Guns	UCBcomedy.com

Watch more comedy videos from the twisted minds of the UCB Theatre at UCBcomedy.com

Self-Attack Ad (UCBcomedy)

2010-07-14T19:27:00.001-07:00

Here's the latest video I wrote for UCBcomedy.

Marvel Superheroes: What The?! Iron Mania

2010-07-12T16:53:00.000-07:00

Here's the latest Marvel Superheroes webvideo I write on.

BP Rich Fish (UCBcomedy.com)

2010-06-05T13:51:00.000-07:00

Here's the latest Brig video (This one was my idea and I wrote it.)

Star Wars 4D (UCBcomedy.com)

2010-06-02T14:00:00.000-07:00

Here's a piece I wrote for UCBcomedy.com. (If I remember right, I was also the Chewbacca arms.)

The Brig: Open Relationship

2010-05-26T20:52:00.000-07:00

Here's the latest video from The Brig:

The Brig: Birdman

2010-05-05T20:50:00.000-07:00

Here's the latest Brig Video:

The Brig: 420 on 4/20

2010-04-20T20:47:00.000-07:00

Here's the latest Brig video:

The Brig: Autobiographical Movie Critic

2010-04-06T11:51:00.001-07:00

Here's the latest Brig video:

The Brig: Sally D

2010-04-02T12:07:00.000-07:00

The Brig: Hunky Shirtless Hunks

2010-03-27T15:23:00.001-07:00

The first of the The Brig's Video Mailbag. There will be others!

Marvel Superheroes: What The?! Deadpool FYC

2010-03-11T09:44:00.000-08:00

Marvel Superheroes: What The?! Winter Games Finale

2010-03-08T09:42:00.000-08:00

Here's the conclusion to this year's winter games!

Marvel Superheroes: What The?! Winter Games Day 14

2010-03-05T09:36:00.000-08:00

Here's the latest snow-bound Marvel video!

Oscars: In Memoriam Extras (UCBcomedy.com)

2010-03-03T20:36:00.000-08:00

Here's the latest video from my team, The Brig.

Takin Care Of Business: The Musical (UCBcomedy.com)

2010-02-24T12:13:00.000-08:00

Here's the latest Brig video (It was my idea and I was the main writer on it!)

Marvel Superheroes: What The!?!: Winter Games Day 11

2010-02-22T19:58:00.000-08:00

The ultimate showdown between Hulk and Wolverine!

Numbalex Commercial (UCBcomedy.com)

2010-02-18T11:09:00.000-08:00

Here's the latest video from The Brig:

Marvel Superheroes What The ?!?: Winter Games Promo

2010-02-11T02:02:00.000-08:00

"What The" is going to the Winter Games with a series of videos starting on the 12th. Here's the promo.

Google: Parisian Oops (UCBcomedy.com)

2010-02-10T02:07:00.000-08:00

Here's the latest from my team, The Brig.

1 Laptop Per 3rd World Noob (UCBcomedy.com)

2010-02-02T20:41:00.000-08:00

Here's another video from my UCB comedy video team, The Brig. (This one was written and animated by Adam Sacks).

Bat Stuck In Hell: Songs From the Lost Batman Musical (Comics Alliance)

2010-01-28T12:19:00.000-08:00

As the Spider-Man's big musical debut, "Spider-Man: Turn Out the Dark," continues its uncertain march to a possible Broadway premiere, our spider-sense is warning us of a possible huge spider-flop. It sounds ridiculous from the start: A Spider-Man musical written by U2's Bono, directed by the Julie Taymor (who directed the Broadway version of "The Lion King"), with Alan Cumming as The Green Goblin and an all-new villain called "The Swiss Miss." It sounds like a bad Simpsons parody.

It might just be that all Superhero musicals are doomed to failure...after all, the uber campy "It's A Bird, It's A Plane, It's Superman," crashed and burned after less than six months on Broadway back in 1966. The 1980's "Captain America" musical, while heavily promoted in Marvel comics, never even made it anywhere near the stage.

Another super-musical that never got staged might just have been the best one ever..."Batman: The Musical," a rock opera featuring songs by longtime Meat Loaf songwriter Jim Steinman and scriptwriter David Ive, and possibly going to be directed by Tim Burton -- more on that bit later.

Read more of Bat Stuck In Hell: Songs From the Lost Batman Musical:

Macbook Pro Unboxing Video (UCBcomedy.com)

2010-01-27T16:22:00.000-08:00

Here's the first video from my UCBcomedy.com Beta Team, The Brig. (Beta Teams are groups of writers, directors and editors that work as a group to put out weekly comedy videos.) This one was written by Adam Sacks, I just contributed some dialogue ideas and generally helped out.

Marvel Superheroes What The?! Siege Promo

2010-01-25T16:18:00.000-08:00

And here's one we did for the upcoming Siege crossover.

Marvel Superheroes What The?! Episode 10: MODOK's All-Star Holiday Spectacular

2010-01-15T16:15:00.000-08:00

I've been a bit lax in posting some of my recent stuff - here's the holiday special we did for Marvel.com.

The 10 Most Bizarre G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero Episodes (Topless Robot)

2009-12-11T16:50:00.000-08:00

It's easy to remember as G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero as just a formula show - Cobra Commander comes up with a ridiculous plan (typically involving money, lasers, or in one episode - money-zappin' lasers), the Joes show up and kick some butt and then Cobra retreats. Easy, right? But in that framework, G.I. Joe managed to throw in some stuff that would've completely freaked out even the most battle-hardened of regular soldiers. Stuff like aliens, ghosts, robot sea serpents, time travel, robot clowns, melting clones and even your plain old vanilla-style robots. Yep, even though that sounds like a season of Venture Bros., all that stuff was presented straight-forwardly in G.I. Joe on a regular basis

And while all those things might sound alright by themselves, when you combine them together (and realize that the Transformers are also in there somewhere), then we've got one of the strangest cartoons of the '80s, if not ever. Here are the 10 best -- by which we mean craziest -- examples.

Read more of The 10 Most Bizarre G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero Episodes:

Marvel Superheroes: What The: 99 Hulk Balloons

2009-11-25T16:18:00.000-08:00

Here's our Thanksgiving day extravaganza!

The 10 Most Clichéd Character Types in Sci-Fi (Topless Robot)

2009-11-24T12:15:00.000-08:00

Let's face it: sci-fi is often silly. Now, before you hurl your drool-moistened Phillip K. Dick novels through your monitor, we're talking about sci-fi, not science fiction. Amongst those who make a distinction between the two (us nerds, that is), science fiction deals with how science will change the human condition, while sci-fi usually deals with hallway-chasing-explosions, weirdly shaped knife-fights and Megan Fox's ass... although not necessarily in that order.

Sci-fi is the watered-down, mass media version of science diction, the generic Dr. Thunder to the true amazingness of Dr. Pepper, if you will. But since most people don't know the difference, you get non-fans thinking that Independence Day is the epitome of smart science fiction (although, it did teach us all how explosive a drunk Randy Quaid can be). And even worse, since a lot of sci-fi is shaped by executives who thought Lost in Space was a true vision of the future, it falls into the trap of showing the same clichéd stories with the same clichéd characters over and over again. Here are the 10 worst.

Read more of The 10 Most Clichéd Character Types in Sci-Fi:

The Top 5 Pulp Heroes That Hollywood Hasn't Ruined Yet (Gamma Squad)

2009-11-24T11:45:00.000-08:00

Sure, they may be unstoppable on the page, but the old pulp heroes have one enemy that they can never seem to defeat: Hollywood execs. Yep, Hollywood has destroyed most of the great heroes in a way that all their masked nemeses could only dream of. The Shadow was reduced to Alec Baldwin playing… Alec Baldwin in a cape. The Phantom was brought down to Billy Zane somehow making purple spandex even more ridiculous. And the less said about the how-can-we-outcamp-Adam-West Doc Savage film, the better.

But lately, Hollywood has gone pulp crazy and is developing new films left and right, including a big budget adaptation of Edgar Rice Burroughs’ John Carter of Mars that Brad Bird’s developing for Disney. They’re even snatching up properties they’ve already done their best to destroy, as Sam Raimi has the rights to the Shadow (a new film is supposedly slated for 2012) and Shane Black is writing a Doc Savage screenplay for Sony. At the rate they’re going, they’ll be no more untouched pulps in a few years, so you’d better enjoy these before Hollywood gets some beefy faced actors to destroy them for you.

Read more of The Top 5 Pulp Heroes That Hollywood Hasn't Ruined Yet:

Marvel Superheroes What The?!: Twilight Of The Midnight Sons: Twi Harder

2009-11-23T11:34:00.000-08:00

The latest Marvel What The?! short has some great dialogue from Ben Morse and Sean T. Collins. (I believe my main contribution was bringing in the original Dracula and Wolfman and having Dracula be the "BLEAH!" kind of Vampire. The best kind of vampire in my opinion.)

A Mysterious Drifter Just Isn't Up To Saving A Small Town (McSweeneys)

2009-11-19T16:30:00.000-08:00

Uh, hello. Sorry if this isn't too good a speech—I don't normally talk to people much on the dusty, open road of the American Southwest. But, this, uh, gymnasium looks really nice and that potato salad smells really good.

Anyway, Mayor Davis told me that Pleasant Pines is a town under siege—that Old Man McTaverty owns this place and keeps it in a stranglehold. Everyone's scared and no one's willing to stand up to him. Unfortunately, I really don't think I'm up for doing that.

Read more of "A Mysterious Drifter Just Isn't Up To Saving A Small Town"

The Many Depowerings of Dr. Strange (Comics Alliance)

2009-11-13T19:06:00.000-08:00

So, it's official, Earth 616 has a new Sorcerer Supreme: Brother Voodoo, perhaps best known for... being Brother Voodoo. It makes you feel bad for Strange, who has now lost every job he's had since college. It's hard not to imagine him sitting around that giant Bleeker Street brownstone of his, wearing his sweats of levitation, eating the Triscuits of Agamatto and just getting in the way of Wong's vacuuming.

But as the first issue of his new miniseries, simply titled "Strange," hits the stands today, we'd like to note that at least it's not the first time this has happened. In fact, Strange has had to stop being Sorcerer Supreme a bunch of times – which really makes you question the "supreme" part of the title.

Read more of "The Many Depowerings of Dr. Strange"

The 10 Greatest Sci-Fi Westerns (Topless Robot)

2009-11-09T13:27:00.000-08:00

What is it about science fiction and westerns that go so well together? Is it because they both tend to feature frontier settings on the edge of civilization? Is it because they both celebrate archetypes of rugged individualists? Or is it just that a robot in a cowboy hat is friggin' awesome? Unfortunately, most people trying to combine the two genres just throw leather chaps on an alien or have dinosaurs run around Arizona - pure laziness. Heck, it seemed like every '80s sci-fi cartoon had one "cowboy" character in it, drawling in a southern twang and wearing an ill-fitting 10-gallon hat. (I'm looking at you Silverhawks and COPS). But while there was a lot of that faux-frontier spirit, some properties genuinely combined the best of both worlds (literally and figuratively) to make some truly original sci-fi Western stories. Here are the ten best space cowboy stories we've seen.

Read more of "The 10 Greatest Sci-Fi Westerns"

Marvel Superheroes What The?!: All Hallow's Modok

2009-11-02T19:15:00.000-08:00

I do you describe the feeling of working on something and then having Stan Lee narrate it?

I can't.

The Real Astro Boy Story: Depressing As Hell (Comics Alliance)

2009-10-30T01:50:00.000-07:00

With the new Hollywood CGI Astro Boy now out in theaters, the usual question comes to mind: how close will it be to the original comic? And the answer for most US comic fans is..."who the heck actually read Astro Boy?" Well, we did. And we're betting the movie's changed a lot of this sad story of one robot's struggle against anti-robot racism.

If you're not familiar with it, "Astro Boy" (or "Mighty Atom" as it's called in Japan) started off as a manga series in 1952, written and drawn by the incredibly prolific Osamu Tezuka, the "god of manga." It takes place in a world where sentient robots are commonplace, but still often treated as objects. (Think A.I. without creepy Haley Joel Osment.) There have been several anime and manga adaptations of Astro's origin, but they all share one thing – they're depressing as hell.

Read more of the "The Real Astro Boy Story: Depressing As Hell"

Marvel Superheroes What The?!: Marvelfest Extravaganza

2009-10-21T22:06:00.000-07:00

I have to give Alex Kropinak amazing props for being able to animate Deadpool to the same level of annoyingness as Robin Williams in Aladdin.

DELETED SCENES: STAR TREK

2009-10-21T17:04:00.001-07:00

Here's my first inked and lettered comic strip for a possible new project - this took way too long to do.

Marvel What The!? Episode 6

2009-10-05T01:08:00.000-07:00

Here's Old Man Logan's final adventure. (I'm proud of the "still warm" gag.)

The 8 Smuggest Robots (Topless Robot)

2009-10-01T13:49:00.000-07:00

We all know we should all be terrified of robots. These mechanical marvels are stronger than us, smarter than us and, if the mounds of Battlestar Galactica slash-fic is true, way better at gay sex than we are. But worst of all... they know it. Pretty much any robot out there could wipe us all out given the right time and tools, (the tools being themselves). "But, surely Asimov's three laws will save us!," you say. Yeah, keep telling your self that as their metal fists peek through your front door. But since they may be temporarily programmed against pounding in our already squishy meat-bodies, they have to show their homicidal rage the only way they can - through being condescending robo-jerks. Here are the 8 worst of the bunch.

Read more of "The 8 Smuggest Robots"

Paper Jam: The Ultimate Guide to Read Or Die (Anime Insider)

2009-10-01T12:15:00.000-07:00

Here's a guide to the Read or Die universe I did for Anime Insider covering every book, manga and anime. I gotta say, Hideyuki Kurata is one of my favorite authors, even though my Japanese was so rusty it took me a while to read the books.

Paper Jam: The Ultimate Guide to Read Or Die (Anime Insider)

The 10 Weirdest Moments from the Muppet Show (Topless Robot)

2009-09-05T11:48:00.000-07:00

How the hell did The Muppet Show ever get on the air? Imagine it from a TV executive's point of view: a weekly variety show, in an old vaudeville theater, featuring puppets, and a mix of A, B and C-list celebrities that catered to both kids and adults. That's not a pitch... it's a just list of random words that don't go together. Unfortunately, it's that weirdness that's been lost to the ages, as these days the Muppets are remembered more as a kids' show instead of the more adult, primetime comedy it was. Most kids today have only seen the Muppets shill pizza with Jessica Simpson, and haven't seen such flipping weird sights as surreal entertainments as Lew Zealand and his boomerang fish or Gonzo the Great tap-dancing on oatmeal. Where else on TV could you see not only a pig in love with frog, but then that frog having to deal with a gypsy curse and Jonathan Winters? Nowhere, that's where. And that doesn't even compare to the stuff we've got on this list of The Muppet Show's 10 weirdest moments.

Read more of the "The 10 Weirdest Moments From The Muppet Show"

ToyFare Magazine: Khan-gratulations!

2009-09-04T10:45:00.000-07:00

Here's a piece I wrote for ToyFare on the history of Star Trek II.

Marvel What The? Episode 5

2009-09-02T12:01:00.000-07:00

Here's the MODOK's Moments, featuring the early days of the giant-headed one. This one originally started as a Dean Martin-style roast and evolved to what it is...minus the roast, which might get to somewhere down the line again. (I pitched a bit about MODOK turning Red Skull to the McCarthy hearings, only to have the Skull dragged away screaming "Nein, I ist un Nazi!" Weirdly, that didn't get in.)

Khan-Gratulations (ToyFare Magazine)

2009-08-10T17:31:00.000-07:00

Here's a retrospective I did for ToyFare Magazine on the history of Star Trek II.

Star Trek II Retrospective

Transformers: Evolution Debate (ToyFare Magazine)

2009-08-08T17:44:00.000-07:00

Here's a fake news piece I did for ToyFare Magazine, about the Transformers fighting the concept of "Intelligent Design."

Transformers Intelligent Design

Mon*Star's Brawl (ToyFare Magazine)

2009-08-05T18:01:00.000-07:00

Here's a fake news piece I did for ToyFare on a jurisdiction dispute between rival space sherrifs the Galaxy Rangers and Bravestar.

Space Cowboys Battle (ToyFare Magazine)

The Top 10 Greatest Cartoon Bands of All Time (Topless Robot)

2009-08-05T11:55:00.000-07:00

If you're like us, you planned your future adulthood on all the things you saw in ‘80s cartoons and you planned on being a superhero, space explorer or ghostbuster when you grew up, just like your favorite cartoon heroes. But there was one profession that clearly topped all others: music star. It seemed like every cartoon had at least one musical character that would be dragged out for a special episode now and then , if not an actual band as the stars of the show (hey, even the Transformers had Jazz and Blaster...even if they never cut actual albums). But all this musical cartoon mayhem begs the question...which animated band rocked the most?

We at Topless Robot are out to answer that question with our list of the ten best, based on the criteria that regular bands are judged: how much money they make, how popular they are, both in the real world and their show’s world,and how often you can listen to their songs without bashing your head in with a rock (if only real bands were judged the same way).

The Top 10 Greatest Cartoon Bands Of All Time

Marvel What The? Episode 4

2009-08-02T12:02:00.000-07:00

Here's episode 4!

Logan's Run: A Wolverine Retrospective (ToyFare Magazine)

2009-08-01T21:59:00.000-07:00

Here's a piece I did for ToyFare Magazine on the history of everyone's favorite Cannuck action figure.

Wolverine Spread[5].Qxp

Marvel What The? Episode 3

2009-06-22T21:03:00.000-07:00

Here's episode 3!

Marvel What The? Episode 2

2009-05-22T20:54:00.000-07:00

Here's episode 2!

Marvel What The? Episode 1

2009-03-22T20:50:00.000-07:00

Here's the first episode of Marvel's humor blog What The? Which I co-wrote.

(Weirdly, this was originally about the Human Torch losing his powers, but it turns out we didn't have the rights to use him or any of the Fantastic Four. The X-men, though...totally up for grabs.)

Saturday Morning Cartoon Preview Trailer

2009-01-25T00:05:00.000-08:00

Here's the trailer for my upcoming spank at the UCB Theatre: The Saturday Morning Cartoon Preview. (Thurs., Jan 29th at 7PM)

SARAH PALIN: I WAS EXPLOITED BY BIG BAD KATIE COURIC!

2009-01-12T03:41:00.000-08:00

Remember that poor little naive Alaskan waif Sarah Palin who was horribly preyed upon by journalists and comedians from the big city? Well, no. And neither does anyone who actually watched her interviews, but that's apparently how Sarah Palin sees herself - exploited and abused by manipulative monsters like Katie Couric and Tina Fey.

In an interview with documentarian John Ziegler, Sarah Palin said "I did see that Tina fey has been named entertainer of the year and Katie Couric's ratings have risen and I know that a lot of people are capitalizing on - I don't know - I think some, perhaps, exploiting that was done via me, my family, my administration. That's a little bit perplexing. It also says a great deal about our society." Sadly, it also says a great deal about our society that Palin thought she was qualified to be vice president.

Now, in Palin's defense, Couric did go out-of-bounds by asking about such topics as, say, Palin's campaign, her positions on world issues and the names of any newspapers she's read. Who could've prepared for that?

And finally, someone has the courage to point out how Tina Fey exploits people by taking thier personal traits and just barely changing them in front of an audience.

But, Palin's complaint brings up an interesting point - if a politician says things that are so ridiculous that an comedian just has to repeat their words in a sketch...shouldn't the politician get a writing credit? After all, Palin did write a lot of what Fey said...although I'm betting Palin's not really big on "fancy writin'."

Can you imagine how great it would be to see Palin at the Emmy's getting an award for best humor writing? To see her walking up to thank all Hollywood for recognizing how no one else could've come up with the ridiculous patter, odd turns of phrases and confusing nonsense slogans she recited? It's a shame she's the only one who doesn't get the joke.

DISNEY AD ASKS: ARE YOU CREEPED OUT YET?

2009-01-12T03:35:00.001-08:00

It only takes a tiny nudge to push something wholesome into something really unsettling (remember how quickly Britney became an unsettling-to-look-at Twilight Zone version of herself?) and few companies creep across that line as much as Disney. Which explains a mysterious new ad campaign that's popped up on the Disney website that just features a black background with the words, "Are you 23?" - perfectly targeting the coveted "I enjoy Disney AND being stalked by online predators" market.

After a jarring fly-in appearance by Tinkerbell (presumably to comfort any crying kids mistakenly looking for Mickey), the site changes to an ominous looking countdown to March 10th, which is when I assume the disembodied questioner will be heading to my house with a box of condoms and a six pack of Natty Light.

While the online consensus seems to be that this will be tied to a new Disney DVD release, we'll just have to wait for the next site update. Our bet: "YOU'RE NOT A COP, RIGHT? YOU GOTTA TELL ME IF YOU ARE!"

Rebound Guys: The Commercial

2008-10-22T10:32:00.000-07:00

Rebound Guys: Episode 2

2008-10-22T10:31:00.000-07:00

Rebound Guys: Episode 1

2008-10-22T10:27:00.000-07:00

This wasn't written by me - that credit goes to Mo Fathelbab and Don Hooper.

NYTF Pilot: The Department

2008-10-22T10:25:00.001-07:00

I had a small part in this TV pilot that premiered in this year's New York Television Festival.

Twisted ToyFare Theatre: Indiana Jones and the Bricks of Death!

2008-10-22T10:10:00.000-07:00

As part of Lego's celebration of the Lego Miniman, we did an Indiana Jones TTT. I think Dr. Prettypants ended up being something that was funnier when we were writing it.

Twisted ToyFare Theatre: The Little Match-Bot

2008-07-02T18:59:00.001-07:00

This may be the saddest thing I've ever been a part of.

Twisted ToyFare Theatre: A Federation of Flavor

2008-07-02T18:48:00.000-07:00

Here's the latest animated TTT featuring a tasty non-copyrighted snack treat:

The 10 80's Toylines Least Likely to Get A Big Budget Hollywood Movie (Topless Robot)

2008-05-28T11:41:00.000-07:00

If there was any doubt that there's money to be made from exploiting '80s toy nostalgia, Transformers rolled right over it. Love it or hate it, there's no denying that Spielberg took our love for our childhood toys and managed to squeeze three hundred million dollars out of our Xmas memories of ripping open Optimus Prime.

Which explains all the other 80's toy related movies supposedly in the works like G.I. Joe, Thundercats and He-Man (which all already had movies, if you count Thundercats Ho...or the porn flick of the same name). But while Hollywood may be knocking down the door of the toy companies behind those A-list properties, there are still a ton of toy aisle pegwarmers that aren't getting deals, either because they didn't sell or because you'd need a Joe-Eszterhas-level madman to try and adapt their storylines. Here are 10 flicks you won't be seeing next summer.

The 10 80's Toylines Least Likely to Get A Big Budget Hollywood Movie

Twisted ToyFare Theatre: The Prime of Your Life

2008-03-27T15:35:00.000-07:00

Here's the latest Twisted ToyFare Theatre animated short showing the real death of Optimus Prime.

Twisted ToyFare Theatre: Harry Potter & The Hard Death

2008-03-03T15:49:00.000-08:00

Here's the latest Twisted ToyFare Theatre animated short - a deleted scene from the first Harry Potter film:

10 Ways to Truly F**k Up Valentine’s Day (Topless Robot)

2008-02-18T20:37:00.000-08:00

As the year's biggest day for love, Valentine's Day is more important to a relationship than Christmas, birthdays and anniversaries combined. With expectations so high, it's also the easiest day to screw things up with the person you love, so if you're going to fuck up, why not fuck up monumentally? Here's the ten spectacular ways you can mess up this very special day.

10 Ways to Truly F**k Up Valentine’s Day