A Mysterious Drifter Just Isn't Up To Saving A Small Town (McSweeneys)

Uh, hello. Sorry if this isn't too good a speech—I don't normally talk to people much on the dusty, open road of the American Southwest. But, this, uh, gymnasium looks really nice and that potato salad smells really good.

Anyway, Mayor Davis told me that Pleasant Pines is a town under siege—that Old Man McTaverty owns this place and keeps it in a stranglehold. Everyone's scared and no one's willing to stand up to him. Unfortunately, I really don't think I'm up for doing that.

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